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I love to dance. In fact, I’m known as the dancer in the family.
However, about 2 years ago, while attending a family party with my kids, the dance music cued and despite the energizing beats, no one got on the floor to dance.
It was at this moment that all eyes turned to me.
The next 5 minutes were consumed with encouragement and pleas for me to get into the middle of the floor and work some magic, as I had done so many times before.
Today, however, I felt self conscious, even a bit shy to put on a show for everyone. I quickly convinced myself I was tired and dis-interested, but somewhere inside I knew I didn’t have what it took in that moment to transcend my shame.
The pleas continued and but I smiled, shook my head and turned them down.
Shortly, my father, who was visiting from abroad and silently observing from the sidelines, leaned forward and whispered 4 words into my ear.
At that exact moment, it was as if a fire had been lit inside me.
Instantly I moved to the middle of the dance floor and I owned it. It did not matter if I was the only one dancing, I found my groove, much to the delight of the crowd.
What could have created such a complete and opposite reaction?
A mere 4 words uttered softly from my fathers mouth. He said, “Rhea, your children are watching.”
It was at that moment I felt as if my entire existence as a parent came into question. Everything I believe in and am deeply committed to, was at stake.
I knew I could not encourage my children to be truly self-expressed or live a life of freedom and courage unless I, in the million and one scary moments, took a chance and pushed past my comfort zone.
How could I ever ask them to summon the courage to face their fears and triumph over them if I did not ask that of myself?
Those 4 simple words reminded me, at every moment, no matter how insignificant, my children were observing me.
Children are avid observers. It is the predominant way they learn new things and acquire intellectual, emotional and creative skills in the world.
Thus, every subtle reaction, every inconspicuous behaviour, every unconscious emotion felt by us is also experienced by our children and they are taking good notes.
Notes on who to be, what to do and how to think.
As parents, we are essentially offering up on a buffet table, the standard by which our children should live their own life by…. and we tell them to EAT.
“Your Children Are Watching.”
With these words, I am reminded in every moment, I can choose to summon whatever I need.
I’m reminded, even if I feel weary to the bone, full of excuses and emotionally triggered, that I have a deeper higher calling.
If I couldn’t do it for me, perhaps I could find it in me to do it for my children.
That alone can summon more courage and energy than any other motivation in this world. Sometimes we need someone outside ourselves to remind us who we are.
This is not for the faint-hearted. It’s not always easy to do this. I’ve often wrestled with feelings of fear, insecurity, frustration and anger which keeps me from living into my best self. But as a parent, I must slow down and self-regulate through my current feelings, so I can offer the best up for my children.
One exercise I learned from my sister, is to imagine my current life as if it were playing on a movie screen.
As I observe the characters named “Rhea” and my “children” interacting with me, I ask, “what would this Mother be doing or saying that would have me clapping for her?”
Would she be fearless, kind, resilient or ego-less in this moment?
Then I simply reflect back whatever shows up in my “movie.” It’s a great technique to get me out of any power-struggle or negative emotions.
If you take this exercise on, the results are tremendous. You can find more courage and desire than you even knew was possible.
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Rhea Lalla is a professional trainer for parents who want to develop their child’s emotional and creative genius. She offers private coaching, online courses and live seminars on how to create calm, healthy, deeply loving relationships with kids and more peace between family members. For a free video series with simple ways to build your patience, reduce the tantrums/resistance and improve the connection between you and their siblings, just enter your email at www.buildgreatminds.com.
Learn how to become Extraordinary parents with Rhea Lalla’s parenting course on Mindvalley Academy
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